tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87322399050025480382024-03-12T23:09:08.678-04:00Poems, Prayers, and PromisesAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-69510141736339881912014-11-07T11:27:00.001-05:002014-11-07T11:34:27.299-05:00PromisesI created this blog to celebrate life -- with all of its beauty and its trials (and hopefully lots of wonderful and hilarious stories along the way). I've disappeared again, as is my habit, but I'm also back...again. While I have mostly found my footing since returning home, I also know that rather than ignoring them, it's time to start tackling those personal demons. Overall, I am relatively happy and am in a relationship with someone who loves and supports me, but it's time I start loving myself again and that means making changes in my life and finishing unfinished business. That means making a few very important promises to myself (and documenting them here, in writing, to help keep myself accountable) -- so, I promise to…<br />
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<b>1. Focus on my health.</b><br />
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That means getting my weight back down to a healthy level and establishing good habits. More specifically, eating healthily and working out five days every week. This also means focusing on my mental and emotional health. Being in good physical health will help with this, but I need to go further than that.<br />
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<b>2. Ask for help.</b><br />
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I was going to say ask for help when I need it, but that gives me a loophole where I can tell myself I don't "need" it even if I do. So, for the sake of my sanity, even if I don't need anything specific I will express any physical/mental/emotional (dis)stress that negatively impacts me for more than ___ minutes.<br />
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<b>3. Maintain relationships.</b><br />
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Cutting myself off and trying to cope on my own works only for the little things and for very short periods of time. Sometimes there are bigger issues or ongoing issues and I need the support of the people who love and care about me. Not only that, but being connected to people is critical to maintaining mental/emotional health. That also means reconnecting with people and reestablishing those relationships when possible.<br />
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<b>4. Keep busy and stay productive.</b><br />
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Feeling lazy does NOT make me happy; it makes me feel useless and it makes me feel like a burden (particularly during this transition period where I cannot yet support myself financially). Doing household chores and miscellaneous busy work is only a temporary solution…which leads to thinking about all the things I don't currently have in my life. That leads me to the next two things on my list.<br />
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<b>5. Focus on the present.</b><br />
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This and look optimistically at the future, but stop thinking so much. Overthinking things leads to feelings of being overwhelmed (at the very least) and that does nothing to help me -- and ultimately is probably the root of my procrastination. Visiting the past/past mistakes is okay once in a while, living there is not. The future will be bright as long as I do what needs to be done NOW and start taking better care of myself in all aspects of my life.<br />
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<b>6. Start tying up loose ends.</b><br />
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I know that some of the "loose ends" I'm referring to are going to take a lot of work toward the previous five steps before I feel like I can tackle them -- but even if they're stupid little things, it will still give me knot tying practice when I get to the big things. Seriously, start with filling out some forms and an unfinished knitting project or something. And when I move on to the big things I STILL need to live in the present. Yes, lay out a schedule and goals, but then actually take them one day at a time.<br />
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<b>7. Keep adding to this list...</b><br />
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There is always room for improvement and I know that there is more I need to do -- but I'll start with these and see where it takes me and how far it takes me. I am lucky to have some wonderful people in my life AND some new additions, including my boyfriend, Chad, of over five months and my cousin's beautiful baby girl and my Goddaughter, Eleanor!<br />
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<img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f40/AtanvarneA/willowsignature.png" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-74586579110389889702014-01-23T17:44:00.000-05:002014-01-23T17:45:21.482-05:00I Think I'm Finally Home<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So the last time I wrote, I was in the midst of NaNoWriMo -- geared up and ready to go, and probably honestly hoping that writing and incorporating my experiences would help me cope with the changes in my life. What I realized was that writing was not making me happy. I still have a story to tell, in fact, one that I am very passionate about. But what that meant to me was that I wasn't in a place in my life where I could give it the thought and attention that it deserved. Instead, perhaps I can find the time to develop the plot and delve into the world that I have created -- and truly understand the story I am trying to tell before I try to crank out the pages.<br />
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Ultimately, what I have learned is that it is much harder to come home than people realize. You would think that after a year of being homesick and trying to adjust to a foreign language and a culture very different from your own that it would be a relief to be home and be with family and friends -- the people you love. Instead, it feels just as much like leaving your life behind as it did the first time…in a way. In many ways you are very happy to be home, and at the same time it doesn't always feel like home anymore. It is an awkward and emotional process. Consider this:<br />
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<b>1. Language</b><br />
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After a year of struggling to communicate every single day and celebrating minor achievements, such as ordering your coffee in the morning, this becomes the norm. You would think that returning to a place where everyone speaks your native language would be a relief…well think again. Ironically, you go from eavesdropping on people in public just to see what words you can understand (or enjoying the ability to just block it all out) to feeling like you are eavesdropping on everyone, everywhere you go, all the time. You find that while you have no desire whatsoever to hear what they are saying, there it is...there's no escaping it.<br />
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<b>2. Routine</b><br />
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We all develop our own daily routine. We have little daily, weekly, or monthly traditions that (for some reason) make us happy. We have those favorite spots like the coffee stand that we pass on the way to work or the place you go when you're desperate for groceries and all the other stores are closed. It feels like it took you a whole year to establish this routine and suddenly it is disrupted. You may be moving back to your hometown, but suddenly you have no idea what to do or where to go. The coffee at your favorite coffee shop doesn't taste the same, and you can't help but thinking that the coffee you drank while you were living on the other side of the world tastes better than this crap. Not only that, but you desperately <i>want</i> things to be normal again and they are far from it.<br />
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<b>3. Relationships</b><br />
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You need to constantly remind yourself that you have been gone for a year (even though you're trying not to think about it). After a year it would be logical to assume that your relationship with family and friends would be a little different, even with Godsends like Skype and email. However, expecting it to happen and experiencing it are two very different things. Not only have you been separated by thousands of miles, but you haven't had any shared experiences for at least a year. You feel self-conscious every time you start a sentence with "In *insert country here*…" or "When I went to *insert location in country here*…" because you don't want to be the person that only talks about their experiences abroad. Unfortunately, those are the only recent experiences you have to pull from so you just pray that you don't sound like a pretentious ass.<br />
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And to top it all off, you may <i>actually</i> have difficulty relating to people. Sometimes we experience things that the people we love won't ever fully understand, but the ones who don't pretend that they do and are willing to listen are worth more than you ever could have imagined. Things change, and sometimes it can be hard to take changes in stride. Things get disconnected and you have to figure out where things go and how to get things started up again (I'm sure the technologically challenged among us can relate). It's a long process and sometimes a slow process and it definitely has its ups and downs, but eventually you figure things out.<br />
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<img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f40/AtanvarneA/willowsignature.png" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-46999053634446024832013-11-12T19:38:00.000-05:002013-11-12T19:38:06.864-05:00NaaaNo…NaNoWriMo<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi4y60nBVhzHz1mnRHa4dwxZ8qHYbmRmJSITQ7rhUOjrqXPP_g_Ct2AjkXK1k5WikF8pR_om91Sx2oMxGs6uvZD6ZM8ziezPCm8DetOtaWGymSeIGRxsjeUQXg0bUYE6KHmKYEp8ja_Wsr/s1600/crest-bda7b7a6e1b57bb9fb8ce9772b8faafb.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi4y60nBVhzHz1mnRHa4dwxZ8qHYbmRmJSITQ7rhUOjrqXPP_g_Ct2AjkXK1k5WikF8pR_om91Sx2oMxGs6uvZD6ZM8ziezPCm8DetOtaWGymSeIGRxsjeUQXg0bUYE6KHmKYEp8ja_Wsr/s320/crest-bda7b7a6e1b57bb9fb8ce9772b8faafb.png" width="233" /></a>So, as I am sitting at a local write-in, supposedly writing a 50k word novel in a month, I find myself blogging instead (don't worry, I did some legitimate writing first). I love my story; I think I finally have an idea that has enough substance to actually become something, but there is SO much about the story I've created that I neglected -- not intentionally, I just had no idea where my story was going…and the direction it took me was one I wasn't at all prepared for.<br />
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For those of you who have never attempted NaNoWriMo, this is not where I sit down and write a publishable masterpiece in a month (and 50k words isn't nearly a long enough manuscript to begin with). It is a purely word-count driven, get-your-ideas-down-on-paper-as-fast-as-you-can, and don't you dare edit kind of affair. It's good for me, and good for shutting up my inner editor. Most of all, it's fun! You get to novel en masse with the best of them -- from published writers to college students -- share your ideas with other writerly types, and, if nothing else, drink a few good cups of coffee along the way. For the record, I have attempted NaNoWriMo a number of times and have never reached the 50k word mark, but such is life. In fact, I have gotten farther this year than in previous years.<br />
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The problem is that I never outline; I never develop my ideas before the November 1st start, and I have learned that I am terrible at developing plot. I may have a beginning, middle, and end -- but when I say middle I mean, "yes, at some point I know that my character will _____." I have no idea how they will get to _____. I have no idea how they will get from _____ to the end. I just know that _____ will happen. This year I fell into the deadliest of plot setbacks. I need to world build. Somehow I went from my "real world" setting into one of my character's design…that means she has to design it! (Which in turn means that I have to design a world for her to design, sigh). I could spend months on world building! And without a world, there is no story. It may be time to stop writing and starting world/plot building for the greater good of my poor, plotless story.<br />
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<img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f40/AtanvarneA/willowsignature.png" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-74246378374721257742013-11-09T19:30:00.000-05:002013-11-09T19:48:02.337-05:00The Title Of My BlogI realized recently that: 1) I think I am at a place in my life where I want to blog regularly again, so you can expect regular weekly posts from me. 2) Sadly, many of the people that I used to follow and whose posts I read religiously are no longer writing…so I look forward to new blogs and new readers. 3) I have never explained the title of my blog.<br />
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So to expand on #1 and #2, I am glad to be back! I am back in U.S.A. again (in fact, I returned home on the Fourth of July!) and am so thankful to be surrounded by friends and family again, even if I am shut up in my room writing papers and doing research most of the time. Adjusting to life here has been more difficult than I thought it would be, even though I knew it would be a transition. Even now, four months later, the past likes to tug on my heartstrings. I will go back, someday, because Israel has a special place in my heart.<br />
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As for #3, you may have noticed that there is little about the title that is outwardly represented in the content of my blog. You don't see me posting poetry. I don't talk about religion. There are a surprising number of promises -- to myself (unless you're counting the promise to write more often. In that case, dear readers, I have made a number of promises to you as well). The title of my blog is inspired by the John Denver song of the same name (lyrics <a href="http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/john+denver/poems+prayers+promises_20073889.html" target="_blank">here</a>).<br />
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That is what my blog is about. It's about enjoying life and making the most of it through it all, and about sharing my story. It's a place where I can be thankful for everything in my life and full of excitement for the future…"For though my life's been good to me / There's still so much to do." -- and in turn, so much for me to share.<br />
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<img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f40/AtanvarneA/willowsignature.png" /><br />
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P.S. You might notice a few changes around here in the next couples of days…it was time.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-55266968126687548002013-06-15T12:27:00.000-04:002013-06-15T12:27:03.869-04:00Hanging On...For Dear LifeMy goodness, this past week has been packed with news and it's a little hard for me to take it all in right now. Here's what happened:<br />
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Monday: One of my former teachers committed suicide (the same day I was teaching and being observed)<br />
Tuesday: My last day teaching in Tel Aviv and a lovely lunch with one of the teachers<br />
Wednesday: My relationship of over three years ended abruptly and unexpectedly<br />
Thursday: Mourning relationship termination, did get up and get dressed, watched Grey's Anatomy<br />
Friday: More mourning, more Grey's Anatomy<br />
Saturday: More mourning...but I left my apartment, got coffee and dessert with a friend, AND finished my presentation for class tomorrow (I call this progress).<br />
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Like someone told me just a few days ago: "Sometimes when one thing comes crashing down, everything comes crashing down." Right now, it feels as if those words have never been truer. For weeks now I have been digging myself out of the swampy black hole...with medical issues, academic problems, and a whole slew of emotional and social drama that I would be quite happy to avoid. And I know that breaking up with my boyfriend sounds like such a petty problem, but right now it is everything.<br />
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For three years, and almost four months this one person has been my everything and the love of my life. So often I felt like he was the one thing that kept me grounded...particularly so far from home. I could go on and on about what an amazing person he was and how truly fortunate I was to have him in my life, but that would be accompanied by yet another crying spell (which is really the last thing I need right now). The point is, I've forgotten who I am. I feel lost and confused in a world that was already confusing enough. I need to be surrounded by the people I love, and I haven't even found the comfort of a hug.<br />
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I don't know why it is that the few people that DO know about what happened seem to think that I'm going to do something crazy (I have no history of diving off the deep end or anything), and I find inquiries such as "How are you?" and "Are you okay?" exceedingly annoying. What do you want me to say exactly? I'm too honest to lie just so that YOU can feel better about my suffering...seriously. If you were more realistic in your expectations, I would be happy to give status updates. I can't tell you that I'm "okay" -- I'm really not -- but I COULD tell you that I'm doing better than I was yesterday. I could tell you that I am satisfied with the baby steps I have taken toward okay-ness. I could tell you that I'm not okay but that I'm working on it...anything except "I'm okay."<br />
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Letting go was one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I said goodbye to someone that I loved deeply enough to marry and who loved me back. I said goodbye to a relationship that at one time we both thought would end in marriage. We went to hell and back together and leaned on each other when we felt like we could hardly stand. We endured thousands of miles of distance, air raid sirens, and the threat of war. I sent him off to the army and didn't know if he would come back. He supported me after I was injured in a car crash and lost my short-term memory. We have stood strong through all that life threw at us...and I just said goodbye.<br />
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I learned the terrible lesson that sometimes love is NOT enough -- that just because we loved each other didn't mean that we were right for each other. THAT is why right now I cannot stand, THAT is why I grieve, THAT is why I can't stop the tears. The more that that lesson sinks in, the more painful it is to accept...THAT is why I'm not okay and the reason why I need time to heal.<br />
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I promise more uplifting news in the future...but today, I needed to tell this chapter of my life.<br />
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<img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f40/AtanvarneA/willowsignature.png" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-69689200867601324872013-06-10T05:59:00.001-04:002013-06-10T06:04:36.161-04:00Pausing to Give ThanksThere are so many things in my life that I am thankful for, but there are also days when -- even though you <i>know</i> that you are thankful -- you just can't <i>feel</i> it. I may have had a few too many of those lately. I am aware of all of the blessings in my life, of the wonderful people who have crossed my path over the years, and I have become even more acutely aware of the little things (having been away from many of them for so long now). But right now, I just want to be thankful for LIFE. I may be so very alive that it hurts, but the pain and hardship is part of it all...and I have to believe that it leads to bigger and better things.<br />
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Today I learned that my high school geometry teacher took his own life. That's the news that I started my day with...the day I needed to be 100% focused on my lesson (and, of course, the day I would be observed). Death, three hours of sleep, and the profound question: how could someone who has touched so many lives value his own so little? My teachers have shaped the person and the educator that I am today, and he was one of them. I learned something from him, not about geometry (well, that too), but about life. He was a teacher who advocated for his students, who made them laugh, who rewarded correct answers with Jolly Ranchers, and who threatened to take away your chair if you didn't keep all four legs on the ground...and it wasn't just a threat.<br />
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I learned something about myself today too. I was reminded of the importance of valuing yourself and of recognizing the difference you have made in the lives of others, particularly your students. They DO remember the little things...they'll remember the Jolly Ranchers, not to lean back in their chair, and how hard you worked to explain new concepts so that they would understand. They may never know your first name, but they will know you -- the teacher, the coach, the mentor. Today I taught my last lesson with my eighth grade class; it was a lesson about superheroes. They may not remember the lesson, but if they use just one piece of knowledge that I have given them...maybe that's all it takes to touch a life.<br />
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<img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f40/AtanvarneA/willowsignature.png" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-1020043336811210982013-05-28T15:27:00.001-04:002013-05-28T15:27:28.850-04:00I Have...I always have the grandest plans to chronicle my travels and experiences, and then I find myself too caught up in life to preserve those moments, let alone share them. So I find myself almost at the end of my journey in Israel and a bit at the end of my rope (though I'll manage). I am homesick, but with the knowledge that when I return home in about a month I will miss Israel. The United States will always be my home, but Israel hasn't been a bad second home...all-in-all. My experiences here have been intense and diverse, from the incident with Gaza and the air raid sirens to teaching in the Israeli school system to weekends in Jerusalem.<br />
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What have I done here? I have taught in both Arab and Jewish schools, grades 7-12, Jews and Christians and Muslims. I have taken classes in all things language education related. I have walked the empty streets of the Old City in Jerusalem at night...like something out of a movie. I sang, I prayed, I lived and ate shabbat dinner with families who were kind enough to welcome me into their homes. I attended classes at a yeshiva school, just to see what it was like. I learned to embrace a new culture and sometimes grumble about it. I learned that Israel will always have a special place in my heart, and I know that someday I will be back.<br />
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When I have time I plan to compile a complete "You might have lived in Israel if..." list, but for the moment, I will leave you with these five:<br />
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1. Eating or considering eating non-kosher food makes you feel guilty<br />
2. For you, Jerusalem is a weekend getaway<br />
3. You only remember non-Jewish holidays because of Facebook<br />
4. You no longer believe in the existence of lines (it's more of a funnel effect)<br />
5. Shekel no longer sounds like just a funny word, but an actual form of currency<br />
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Tonight I might add "...If your arm is lumpy, swollen, and itches like crazy because the bugs here apparently have especially potent venom" but instead I'll try to ignore the itching and get some sleep!<br />
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<img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f40/AtanvarneA/willowsignature.png" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-58569643399115837682012-08-28T09:19:00.000-04:002012-08-28T09:19:11.049-04:00No Longer A StrangerI have now been studying in Israel for over a month, and it still feels like I only just arrived. Occasionally, the truth will hit me and something will remind me of home...a world where Jerusalem is NOT an hour away from campus and where reading bus signs and buying groceries isn't a linguistic challenge. Nearly five weeks ago I began ulpan (an intensive Hebrew language course) with absolutely no knowledge of the language, and it amazes me how I have transformed. I find myself scribbling away, using characters that were once merely a curiosity rather than an effective form of written communication. I open book covers from left to right and write from right to left. This is now MY world.<br />
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Linguistically, I have discovered that I would rather know the nuances of English grammar implicitly, even if I must teach grammar explicitly. I have learned that I do, in fact, know how to do research...making the 3.5 hour required research methods course less than thrilling. Most of all, my experiences here have confirmed that I have truly been taught by <u>the best</u> and that I am incredibly fortunate to have the foundational knowledge and experience that I have in education (I have also discovered that I am extremely possessive of this knowledge).<br />
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So far from home, it's difficult not to search for meaning and purpose in my experiences and presence here. There is one course, The Israeli Educational Context, that has helped me find this among the slew of introductory courses required during summer term. It has given me a glimpse of my future in this program, and after one short meeting with my professor I realized what has been missing...a classroom.<br />
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I will begin teaching in October and will be working with a "particularly difficult" group of junior high students at a religious boarding school outside of Tel Aviv. I will be teaching a subject I have never taught before, in a foreign country, with limited knowledge of my students' native language(s), as a non-Jew in a religious Jewish boarding school...who needs to shop for "teacher clothes" suitable for such an environment (no pants, long skirts or dresses, high necklines, and longer sleeves). What a cultural experience! :)<br />
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<img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f40/AtanvarneA/willowsignature.png" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-58883845445568569792012-07-05T13:17:00.001-04:002012-07-05T13:17:25.931-04:00A New Journey<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIGh4_K8z9mmYztrDSFHgweBy_80DIG2c_GSxmsRlgS7Lj2ybylSfQUwMRQgQWK984BBHTOKo4V2K7Mj_UPaVmItw2lXKodfUXqWZ7C6qYFuCKQlACMSvCjo44l8v0_ePgTi9ojdm9zPtQ/s1600/DSC03822_2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIGh4_K8z9mmYztrDSFHgweBy_80DIG2c_GSxmsRlgS7Lj2ybylSfQUwMRQgQWK984BBHTOKo4V2K7Mj_UPaVmItw2lXKodfUXqWZ7C6qYFuCKQlACMSvCjo44l8v0_ePgTi9ojdm9zPtQ/s400/DSC03822_2.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looking out over Tel Aviv (taken in Jaffa on my trip this Spring)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In one word, this summer has been...busy. I started off the summer clawing my way out of a particularly bad downward spiral after a "trying" final semester. I walked at graduation knowing that, while I would be done soon, MY journey was not yet ending. However, I finished and defended my senior thesis this summer (in record time, I might add) and now the summer is drawing to a close (yes, I know it's only July). And yes, the summer I most needed to recuperate has been anything but relaxing, because instead, I will be embarking on a new and exciting journey as I begin my master's program at Tel Aviv University...that's right, I will be moving half way across the world in only about two more weeks!<br />
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Moving does, of course, comes with its own set of fears and anxieties, especially for those of us who despise packing but are hell bent on packing everything that we could ever plausibly need (all while trying to efficiently utilize valuable suitcase space). Anyhow, I'm not even there yet...only dreading the inevitable approach of packing phobia. I am also moving to a country in which I am, for all practical purposes, illiterate. I never wanted to be "that" person, but "<i>Thank God they speak English!</i>" or I would be a nervous wreck. Wrapping my mind around the fact that I won't be seeing a familiar face for the next year has been a challenge (evidently, Israel isn't their destination of choice). I will dearly miss friends, family, and loved ones, but I could not be more excited about the adventure I will be undertaking. I wanted to say quest, but that just reminds me that I will be missing the release of The Hobbit! *sigh* ;)<br />
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Back to education... My program is in TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages), and I will have the opportunity to teach in Israeli schools while getting a masters degree in an education-related field (woohoo!). I can't wait to elaborate on these experiences as well as my own experiences learning Hebrew and studying abroad. I'm sure that soon you will be introduced to a slew of new people, a new and exciting backdrop for my educational experiences, and a very different side to my quest for worldwide educational geekiness! For the record I'm not crazy, just enthusiastic... and desperately longing to be in a classroom again. :)<br />
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<img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f40/AtanvarneA/willowsignature.png" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-32244839948789539702012-04-28T14:02:00.000-04:002012-06-24T19:40:22.596-04:00Week Thirteen: Final ThoughtsIt was hard to grasp the fact that this week was my LAST week in field, especially because I won't be going straight into student teaching. I miss the classroom already, my cooperating teacher, and all of the middle schoolers whose classes I'd taught and whose papers I had graded. I finally realized just how much I had connected with the students in my classroom. The students' responses to my last day varied...one girl didn't know it was my last day and had been planning to bake me a cake, one boy jokingly cheered (and then told me he'd miss me), another called "have fun in college...if that's possible" as he walked out the door.<br />
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This semester I felt like I found the perfect balance, connecting with my students but still maintaining authority in the classroom. For the first time I had a chance to experiment in the classroom, and I had a cooperating teacher that was able to stress the fact that "you don't need to teach it like me." She gave me the freedom to discover what my identity was in the classroom. I made mistakes, I learned from them, and even though I didn't see it happening, I grew as an educator. It's fantastic to be able to look back and realize that I wasn't nervous getting in front of my students, I finally reached the goal I set for myself at the beginning of the semester and I'm not really sure when it happened, just that at some point I reached the level of comfort in the classroom that I was hoping to attain.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-43466593826010762192012-04-15T14:16:00.000-04:002012-06-25T12:05:34.350-04:00Week Eleven: Feedback<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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While verbal feedback and communication is essential in the classroom, the ability to communicate effectively through written feedback is equally as important. Written comments are useful in that they may provide a record of student performance and progress that may be referred back to. However, in order for this feedback to be useful to students, parents, etc. it must be utilized effectively. For instance, it is important to give feedback that students can use to improve their performance in order to meet learning objectives and expectations without "giving" them the answers. That means that comments should guide students rather than correct them.<br />
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Additionally, the language used when praising student performance should be equally as descriptive. Rather than using words such as "good, " we should be able to describe WHAT they did well, WHY their response or perspective is valuable, HOW they might improve, etc. Simple descriptors make a world of difference in written communication. Instead of doing a "good" job, I would much rather use words such as insightful, interesting, or effective. The same goes for "negative" feedback. Also, in addition to comments, I LOVE using other visual forms of communication (underlining passages or words to look at, editing/grammar symbols, etc).</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-57542989688027854702012-04-08T14:26:00.000-04:002012-06-24T19:38:32.389-04:00Week Ten: A Change of PaceHaving a week off of field was definitely a change of pace, though I also definitely missed being at the middle school. I'm beginning to grasp the fact that this was our last week to really sit down and talk about teaching as a class and that, for many of us, the upcoming weeks are the last classroom experiences we will have before student teaching. <br />
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That having been said, I appreciated that final opportunity to address questions and gather resources with strategies that will hopefully help keep us from getting stuck in the "rut". I feel like those will help us a lot when planning these final few lessons and working on our units, and it's a constant reminder of the importance of the student-centered classroom. Which of these strategies do you think you would be most likely to implement? Why?</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-48818448267125170162012-04-01T21:33:00.000-04:002012-06-25T12:09:02.286-04:00Week Nine: Goodbye Spring Break, Goodbye Israel<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It was wonderful to be back in the classroom this week, and to be able to jump right back in after two weeks of Spring Break, six thousand miles away. It was also remarkable to me how much education had been on my mind during those two weeks. Our last day in Israel, as we sat around in a circle in Jaffa on our last night, I remember explaining how the trip had validated everything I believed about the importance of experiential, student-centered learning and how it had served to solidify my teaching philosophy.<br />
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My greatest intrinsic reward this week was the excitement of my students and the exclamations of "she's back!" It was also interesting to see how the dynamics of the classroom had changed, however subtly. Aside from some unrelated hiccups, it was clear that the change in the weather and the proximity to <i>their</i> spring break had affected behavior in the classroom. I was made aware of an increase in student misbehavior and while most of the students remained focused during class this week, it was obvious which ones my cooperating teacher had been referring to. Though, everything considered, it was a surprisingly normal week.</div>
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-74490750215298296332012-03-04T12:11:00.000-05:002012-06-24T19:37:05.832-04:00Week Seven: TragedyObviously, the shooting at Chardon High School was on the minds of every educator this week. Not only was it a tragedy, but I saw people connect to it on a very personal level. Even I was wearing a red ribbon earlier this week. People were reaching out to students and peers, not only to those who had been affected in some way by the shooting, but those whom they simply cared about. In fact, there have been a number of tragedies recently, including several threats to other schools after Chardon.<br />
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That having been said, I was surprised by my reaction to the recent shootings. While clearly I was moved, I didn't start out in the same place emotionally. I wasn't directly tied to Chardon or the shooting, but I AM a future educator. I feel like in the wake of tragedy we tend to focus on the "what if"s. What if those were my friends? My students? What if that had happened at my school? What would I do? How would I respond? It was comforting to find that I could answer those questions: I knew that I would do anything I could to keep my students safe. For me, the realization that no one can truly be prepared for something like that, but that I am confident that if it does happen I'll know what I need to do, whatever the situation, is mind blowing to me.</div>
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I'm not sure quite how to describe the feeling, but that confidence in my ability to react instinctively, even in the worst case scenario is a huge milestone. I certainly hope I never have to put that to the test, but in observing people's responses to Chardon and asking those "what if"s I know that I have, on some level, grown as an educator. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-90261349705137462322012-02-26T23:05:00.000-05:002012-06-24T19:36:46.571-04:00Week Six: Diving In Head First...Yikes!So far my field experience has been fantastic. I've been engaged in activities with students EVERY day, and my coteacher definitely isn't afraid to hand over the classroom and let me dive in headfirst (twice already). Most recently I've been working with the students who are behind on their work and had an alternate activity to work on while the rest of the class worked on a symposium activity having to do with the crusades. This has given me a fabulous opportunity to observe classroom dynamics, especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I can compare her second, fourth, AND fifth period classes.<br />
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On Tuesdays and Thursdays I've been staying at the middle school during third period when my cooperating teacher has a planning period, and it has been a wonderful opportunity to familiarize myself with the school (she gave me a tour and the principal gave me a t-shirt), meet other teachers, watch some student presentations in other classes, learn to use the SmartBoard, and grade student papers! Not to mention, it's a great time to bounce ideas off of each other and discuss how the classes went and how we can modify them for the upcoming periods.</div>
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I love that she creates a positive, student classroom environment and the ease with which I have transitioned into a position of authority in the classroom. I appreciate the freedom she gives me in terms of how I approach activities, classroom management, etc. Even when she turns the classroom over to me she reminds me that I don't have to do it exactly the way she did and to feel free to do whatever's comfortable to me. The fact that I have been so involved in the classroom makes it far easier to jump in and teach a lesson despite the nerves.</div>
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My goal throughout the remainder of my placement is to achieve the same comfort level I have working with smaller groups of students when I'm addressing the class as a whole. It's frustrating when I feel as if I've finally figured out who I want to be in the classroom and what that's going to look like and then get up there and NOT be that teacher. It's clearly just a matter of working out the nerves, but I'd really be able to cross that threshold!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-26078668461081048352012-02-19T22:02:00.000-05:002012-06-25T12:07:16.101-04:00Week Five: Idealistic vs. Realistic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Setting realistic expectations...I know this is going back to the basics, but it's something I've always struggled with. I think we all have this idealistic view of the world and what we can accomplish, but sometimes it's hard to tone that down and look at what is practical, what is doable. That certainly doesn't mean that we don't constantly push ourselves and explore our limits, but it does mean knowing where we stand physically and emotionally and recognizing that saying "no" is an option...even when we WANT to do everything.<br />
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Establishing these limits means figuring out what the individual steps are and creating realistic timeframes for accomplishing those goals. It's something that applies to nearly every aspect of teaching, from involvement is extracurriculars, professional development opportunities, and our ability to effectively plan lessons/units and cover all of the material in one short year. Beyond trial and error, have you discovered strategies for making sure that your goals are manageable and realistic?</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-34224850278273237972012-02-13T11:21:00.000-05:002012-06-24T19:33:34.893-04:00Week Four: GeorgiaThis weekend I went to Georgia to do I.S. research (woohoo, Copeland funding!), and finally had the chance to meet the Vietnam veteran who has been the focus of my research for several months now! He and his wife are not only some of the most wonderful people I have ever had the pleasure of working with, but they gave me the chance of a lifetime...a chance to touch and experience history.<br />
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Yes, I had already conducted numerous interviews on his experiences before, during, and after Vietnam, but it wasn't until my trip to Georgia that everything came together (and I was the dope on the plane grinning and happily explaining my research to anyone foolish enough to ask about it). This time I had a chance to connect to history on a personal level, to discuss not only what happened then but how it influences the way he perceives current events. I had a chance to look at the world through the eyes of a teacher, a soldier, a leader, and a citizen.</div>
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Even given the short time we had known each other, I was treated like family and in just a few short days I <i>felt</i> like family. I was awed by the willingness with which he gave away items from Vietnam that he had held on to for years, and I returned with stories, photographs, slides, and personal items...his ammunition belt, an extra Vietnam ribbon, combat bandages, and his mess kit complete with creamer and sugar packets from his C-rations. I <i>touched</i> history. Never have I felt so honored or the importance of my research weighed so heavily on me.</div>
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My research has afforded me with a valuable, eye-opening experience and a chance to engage my field (both history and education) on a personal level. What experiences have you had or do you hope to have that inspire you and allow you to connect on that level?</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-38932502957728598502012-02-03T08:36:00.000-05:002012-06-25T11:49:23.198-04:00Week Three: A Kamikaze Personality<div style="text-align: center;">
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The kamikaze video we watched in class this week (above) was both hilarious and inspirational...and certainly left me saying "I want to be in THAT classroom!" However, along with that statement came the realization that as much as I would love to be THAT teacher, it just isn't me. As effective as that demonstration was for one particular teacher, it isn't something that I could pull off in my classroom simply because it doesn't fit my personality. Similarly, I'm not the teacher smashing a cellphone mockup with a sledgehammer or doing the dance of the parallel lines either.<br />
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The key is, of course, to modify these basic ideas to reflect who we are as educators. I say "as educators" because, while who we are doesn't change when we enter a classroom, we emphasize different aspects of our personalities when we are in the classroom than we might outside the classroom. The question is, how do we begin to explore humor in the classroom? The style that works for me isn't necessarily the kind of humor that I can utilize myself, so how do you make the transition from knowing what doesn't work for you in the classroom, to knowing who you ARE in the classroom?</div>
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Random Fact: The word kamikaze translates to "God wind" or "Divine wind."</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-54573882231252537262012-01-29T19:42:00.000-05:002012-06-24T19:32:09.726-04:00Week Two: "Bad Days"This post is coming from a very emotional place, but I think it touches on aspects of teaching that we all need to consider at some point. We all have bad days, we're human, and most of the time I think we can all walk into the classroom and leave the other "stuff" at the door...because we have to. That doesn't necessarily mean we have to pretend (because then there's the tendency to <i>over</i>compensate), but we need to genuinely focus on the positive while recognizing that the negative exists.<br />
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We need to be able to allow ourselves that bad day in order to get past it, but it's also essential to do so in such a way that it doesn't effect our students. Thus far, I've never had to face this situation in the classroom as a<i> teacher</i>, but I have as a student. I've seen how a teacher's or professor's "bad day" can affect learning for their students, and I've seen how my own "bad days" effect my ability to learn. As a teacher, what are your strategies for addressing those "bad days," and what positive aspects would you choose to focus on?</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-34108526962576539682012-01-22T12:40:00.000-05:002012-06-24T19:31:37.089-04:00Week One: CurriculumIt feels good to be back in the game, to be back in classes, and to begin my last semester at the College of Wooster. I have a new roommate who came back from abroad, new classes to get excited about, and only one more semester of I.S. (my senior thesis) to complete! It was incredible to walk in on the first day of class and get to see familiar faces and "geek out" about education again. So, talking point number one, I'm happy to be back and I'm SO excited that education is still a part of my life this semester (not that I could ever separate education from life)!<br />
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I had a fantastic albeit busy and hectic first week with a lot of loose ends to tie up in the next few days, but I'm already excited about where this semester and this class will be taking us. I'm relatively sure that curriculum is not <i>supposed</i> to be this exciting. Isn't that the part that most teachers hate? For me, it's a puzzle...problem solving...a new perspective on the whole teaching profession that we really haven't been exposed to before. We've spent so much time focusing on how to teach a single, isolated lesson that it's refreshing to finally look at a larger perspective and see where your students have been and where they will be going in terms of the "big picture" rather than "yesterday they did THIS, and tomorrow they will do THIS."</div>
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In keeping with this week's theme, how do you personally view lesson/curriculum planning? Do you look at the big picture first, or do you have a tendency to sit down and go "oh, and then I could teach my lesson on _____ and then I could do ______"? Do you let the big picture dictate your lessons, or do you let the lessons dictate the overall curriculum?</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-39249726654519920302012-01-05T19:16:00.006-05:002012-01-05T19:50:14.633-05:00"Some Enchanted Evening"<div style="text-align: left;">The last few days have been bittersweet...yes, I AM on break so I can't complain about that, but the people I love are scattered all over the world and I desperately miss them. Thankfully chocolate has tamed the hormones, but my brain continues to torture me with "what ifs." I'm not much in the mood to write at the moment. In fact, I plan to distract myself with mindless television and more chocolate shortly. I did, however, get a message from Joseph today...he always knows just what to say to brighten my day, but it also reminded me just how helpless I feel sitting idly at home while he is thousands and thousands of miles away in Israel. Darn my inner control freak! Anyhow, before I curl up by the fire, gobble chocolate, and watch Jeopardy, I wanted to share the beautiful sunset we had tonight with all of you...SO magical! :)</div><div><br /></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ6CkEVgxxNvzA4Zd9b8o-5hidmv3GC6Aqy5ayaX30PUItdUSqa-1pg9ZGktUZzPMS5bbFS2yfNDg98NRA9sXlTahPj5AE5iWCCtrJS8mEsG9V0ZTkCK7K68qXFZR4YoNYwsryICzytDMv/s400/DSC03676.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5694314751804536066" /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">And yes, the title of this post is, in fact, a South Pacific reference! I know, I just couldn't help myself...after all, "Wonderful Guy" has been stuck in my head since last weekend (wonder who the wonderful guy is *cough cough*)!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f40/AtanvarneA/willowsignature.png" /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-41625666598193053572012-01-01T17:00:00.001-05:002012-01-01T17:09:23.523-05:00New Years Resolutions<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMQNy6FTyFSNBBEnBLjxcm0xlFtPIucazCmTIBzCyjZ5TYH13BWguTcLfC9vYrmyCzVQPSF1Y7Gy9po7wmgU3dqYPOcslB32rOX62D7HNo0vtJqqiZtklwvhLpioJ1t73jaDYmgr09vVfr/s1600/Joseph+%2528feet+with+heart%2529.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 299px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMQNy6FTyFSNBBEnBLjxcm0xlFtPIucazCmTIBzCyjZ5TYH13BWguTcLfC9vYrmyCzVQPSF1Y7Gy9po7wmgU3dqYPOcslB32rOX62D7HNo0vtJqqiZtklwvhLpioJ1t73jaDYmgr09vVfr/s400/Joseph+%2528feet+with+heart%2529.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5692789118384225122" /></a><div>I hadn't realized just how long it had been since my last post here...my attention was temporarily diverted to another blog where I was required to write about my experiences during my education field placement, and I'm afraid I have neglected my readers here! So very much has happened since then. A semester has passed and my life has been touched by so many wonderful people. Joseph is still in Israel, we Skype when we have the chance, but now he calls me girlfriend. I met my Godson, Sebastian, and got to hold him for the first time...he was two weeks old. Life is beautiful, I've faced obstacles, there have been long tear-filled nights, but I'm so thankful for all of it! Goodbye 2011, we had some good times, we had some bad times, but I think I'm ready to move on! :)</div><div><br /></div><div>I've never been one to make and keep New Years resolutions (mostly the second part), but there ARE a few things I want to remember in the new year. I promise to be true to myself, to follow my heart wherever it leads me, to always try to be the person I want to be, to find happiness in unexpected places, to love and be loved, and to never give up hope. I have one life, and I plan to make the most of every minute...I don't want to look back and wonder where my life went, to realize that I had wasted precious time. This year, I hope you all live life to its fullest and surround yourself with people who love you and will be there to get you through the next challenge, the next obstacle, the next crisis. To all the people in my life...I LOVE YOU and I absolutely couldn't do it without you! <3</div><div><br /></div><div>Best wishes for the New Year,</div><img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f40/AtanvarneA/willowsignature.png" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-85699222506600578272011-11-18T18:42:00.001-05:002012-01-03T15:53:44.598-05:00Week Twelve: FarewellThis week was the last week of field placement, and my reaction has been bittersweet. On one hand, I am excited to be back in the classroom learning new teaching strategies, interacting and discussing educational concepts with my peers, etc. On the other hand, without field I know I will have to wait to implement these strategies until my next field placement...and I don't want to wait that long! Despite my impatience to experience field on a whole new level with another group of students and a new cooperating teacher, I will really miss my students.<div><br /></div><div>This past week has been an incredible opportunity to get to know my students. Because I didn't have many formal teaching opportunities in field early on in the semester, that meant I got to consolidate this experience at the end of field. This resulted in a fantastic final week, in which I taught every day! Unfortunately, while my final experiences were exceedingly positive, I desperately wished I had connected with my students earlier in semester.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-30692350651232395022011-11-11T22:36:00.001-05:002012-01-03T15:55:13.159-05:00Week Eleven: Intrinsic RewardsThis week was a rather unconventional week. It was my first experience attempting to co-teach in the field (I've done it in education classes before, but not with a cooperating teacher), I missed field on Thursday and class today due to illness, and now I am home recovering for the weekend. I probably would have written an extensive account of my co-teaching experience today were it not for a conversation I had with my dad this afternoon. Teaching and education are rewarding in so many ways, but I think sometimes we focus on what happens in the classroom and forget that there are an infinite number of ways that education can touch our lives without ever setting foot in a classroom.<div><br /></div><div>As I mentioned in a previous post, my dad was a key resource when planning my topic lesson presentation and became my inspiration for the ineffective group work activity in my presentation. I had had every intention of giving him a full report (including Sam the "clown" and Dexter, our favorite "self-confessor"), but it completely slipped my mind...until he asked about it this afternoon. I gave him an animated account of the lesson and activities, and his face lit up! It was the most wonderful thing...to see how excited he was and how happy he was to be a part of it all. When my mom got home from work, he asked if she'd heard about the lesson and when she hadn't, he launched into an explanation of the lesson that HE inspired. THAT was my intrinsic reward for the week!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8732239905002548038.post-56878855093012244942011-11-04T16:45:00.002-04:002012-01-03T15:55:59.844-05:00Week Ten: A Spiritual OccupationIn teaching my first formal lesson this week, I initially felt like I had more questions than answers. While I knew I had tools to use when things didn't go as planned (and most things went as planned so it wasn't necessary to use them), I also realized that I wanted MORE tools to choose from. The more experience you have in the classroom, the more tools you have developed to draw from, and the more successfully you can tackle problems when they DO arise. More strategies also means that you can implement ones that are more appropriate for a given situation. My lessons this week have also taken me on a personal journey as I attempt to view the positive (and sometimes mind-blowing) accomplishments of my students and ultimately come to the realization that (even if an activity doesn't go as planned) learning HAS occurred.<div><br /></div><div>My professor's statement about teaching being a "spiritual occupation" stuck with me. It's something that I've been mulling over for the past couple of weeks, and I have to agree. I'm not sure I can describe why this is, but that I have no other explanation for the moments when I see that my students truly "get it", the feeling I get when I've taught a lesson, and the realization that I am happier on the days when I am in field and in a classroom, the days I am involved in my students' learning in one way or another. As I contemplated the implications of teaching as a "spiritual occupation" I couldn't help but wonder who else was affected by this statement; is teaching a spiritual occupation, and if not, how would you describe it?</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08636473614133304641noreply@blogger.com2