Saturday, July 2, 2011

Speechless Gratitude

A couple of weeks ago I was ready for change, ready for my life to turn around, ready to put the past behind me, and I was living in a world full of inspiration. I made a 180 degree turn for the better, but I'm starting to feel like I'm losing that...sometimes it feels like I take one step forward and two steps back; I'm ready for TWO steps forward and ONE step back. It's time. Life just seems so limiting right now. I feel like I'm living in the past, and that isn't entirely bad. I'm seeing parts of my life differently, and I recognize how fortunate I've been to have certain people in my life to help out along the way. I have so many people to thank!

I went from feeling like I had no one to turn to, to realizing just how many people care and how many doors are unlocked if only I had the courage to open them. Finding that courage and the words to thank these people means digging into memories I'd rather not touch...the accident, the memory loss, everything. It's all flooding back and it's emotional, not so much because of the accident itself, but remembering just how painful the aftermath was and how thankful I am for the people who helped me, pushed me, let me make my own decisions, but weren't willing to let me fail. I just don't have the words to express my gratitude...they come out in pages and pages of mental fragments.

If only I could find a way to to verbally express tears of gratitude, to tell them just how much they mean to me and how much of an impact they have had on my life. How do you tell someone they've changed your life forever? It isn't easy. My experiences have shown me just how many ways people can show support...and I appreciate them all. From the warm and fuzzy to the people who pushed me and didn't cut me slack because they knew I could do it and needed me to believe in myself. I couldn't have done it without any of them. If only I had the words...